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Corona Mad Mum

My mum’s gone mad – Corona mad

I don’t know what to do

She’s polished both the shower doors

And cleaned the downstairs loo

She’s started eating chocolate

For her breakfast everyday

And when we shout: “It’s Joe Wicks time”

She screams and runs away

She sits down in the dining room

And gazes at her phone

Furrowed eyebrows, frequent gasps

And several mournful moans

Then up she jumps and off she goes

To wash and cook and clean

Tidying like a maniac

There is no in between

She laughs one minute – long and loud

Then… she cries the next

I’ve never seen my mum like this

Both calm AND super stressed

She goes on massive dog walks

Then naps all afternoon

I’m hoping for my poor mum’s sake

This lockdown ends quite soon

She cuddles me all through the day

And tells me: “We’ll be fine.”

Then on the stroke of 4 o’clock

She pours a glass of wine

I’ve seen her swap two toilet rolls

For half a dozen eggs

(And don’t tell this to anyone –

She’s hasn’t shaved her legs)

My mum’s gone mad – Corona mad

But I know what to do

Squeeze her tight and tell her: “Mum,

I’m always here for you!”

By Conrad Burdekin


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