The 100 Days of Lockdown

On the 1st day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, a speech from Boris on the TV.


On the 2nd day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 2 episodes of Tiger King and more time with the whole family.


On the 3rd day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 3 COVID Toes, 2 homeschooled kids, and a catch-up call on house party.


On the 4th day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 4 furloughed staff, 3 hoovered rooms, 2 new Netflix box sets and a Joe Wicks workout sore back for me.


On the 5th day of lockdown COVID gave to me, 5 homework tasks, 4 failed attempts at baking, 3 loungewear orders, 2 bored kids roaming, and a rainbow drawn on a tree.


On the 18th day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 12 episodes of Normal People, 6 rainbow trails discovered, 4 hours online queuing and a sign up to an online degree.


On the 26th day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 15 Boris hashtags trending, 8 DIY screw-ups that now need mending, 5 new visitors to Animal Crossing, and a trip to a castle for a Tory MP.


On the 37th day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 26 steps on my fit bit, 15 cocktails invented, 8 more takeaways eaten and the desperate desire to be a bit more free.


On the 42nd day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 37 more Amazon deliveries, 12 novels read, 7 more poems written, 2 minutes clapping and Tom Moore raising dosh for charity.


On the 53rd day of lockdown COVID gave to me, 52 new grey hairs, 34 tantrums curbed, 17 new walks discovered, 11 new gin brands tried and even MORE time with the whole family.


On the 68th day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 42 back episodes of something, 15 coffees drunk, 5 socially distanced meetups, and no idea what to make again for tea.


On the 84th day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, an abundance of COVID idiots, 76 Zoom calls, 63 Whats App groups, 28 more grey hairs, 12 hours of bored children, and the wish to feel more like the normal me.


On the 92nd day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 91 chants of "Mum I'm hungry", 57 moments of "What was I doing?", 3 holidays canceled, and loads of idiots sunbathing by the sea.

On the 100th day of lockdown, COVID gave to me, 560,000 frazzled brain cells, 450 miles to nowhere cycled, 24 repeated conversations, 3 inches of excess hairstyle, and the feeling that we will be like this for eternity!


By Michelle Stevens


#humour #lockdownlife

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